I Have Never Loved Anyone...

I have never loved anyone, as I do you
I have never watched the sun, with a smile
Without burning my eyes
Nor making me sad
Over lost dreams, and shadows and sun and shadows.

I have never looked at the moon, the fair moon,
Upon which lovers loved and swore falsely, or truthfully,
I have never looked at it with such peace and serenity
Knowing that she shall remain forever while I must say goodbye
(From time to time.)

I have never looked at the dark with resignation,
That we all must go
Accepting the fate that Fate has woven for us
That we all must accept that which must be
Though the heart shouts otherwise

And in that resignation and letting go
I never felt so sure
That eternity shall come in half-a-second
When the souls separated by sin and ignorance, and time
Shall be together in peace
And in love
Where no one, not even God
Shall dare separate them
For they, though two, are one.

I have never loved anyone, as I do you,
And if forever shall start in ten thousand lifetimes more,
I shall bide that long, and a day more,
Waiting for the love of my soul.

And not in regret shall I look at the heavens
For what could have been is infinitely sweeter
Than what could never be
At all

For it is a singular blessing
That God in His Goodness
Has deigned to let me look, let me glance
At the mirror of my soul
Reflected in your eyes
That in a hundred thousand lifetimes
Perhaps I have lived
I saw again the love of my soul
In a glance.
Half of it.
Half of half a glance.
And it is enough
More than enough
To last me a hundred thousand lifetimes more.
Even without you.

For your eyes are in me.
And no one shall take them away.
For your smile is always before me
And it never leaves me
In the shadow of death, my angel, you are there
Clasping my hand, when winter overtakes me
Or when the cold embrace of the sea envelops me
Never, never to return

But I am here again.
Always and forever
Coming back to where I began.
You showed me the light
Where to begin, and when in dark
You were there to help me start again.

Given all these, and a million more
Which no amount of poetry
Can describe
What shall prevent me from loving you?

I have no choice at all.
It is as if I was choosing against happiness,
Or choosing evil over good.
It cannot be!
For always the mind is free
Only to choose what is good.
I have never loved anyone
As I have loved you.
And never will I.
For you are the one.
The only one.
I have marched a million paces
Just to be where I am now
And to see you
In your radiance and beauty.

I wasn’t sure then.
Now I am.

But what is in you that I love?
Certainly not your face,
Though it may launch a thousand ships.
For Helen, she created strife.
But you, your face bequeathed peace in my soul,
My angel! My life!

What is in you that I love?
Certainly not your lips
Though sweeter than wine (perhaps) it is.

And though our hands will never get tangled
And though your hands will be
With someone’s hands
Someone stronger, more appropriate
I shall be in white
For you are
And it doesn’t destroy the solemnity
Of a forever
I mean, of a lifetime
For you may belong with someone
As I am
For lifetimes, and a lifetime
But our eternity is one

And as you lay in your bed,
Completely secure and at peace
Know as sure that someone cares for you
More than you could ever imagine
And he doesn’t care about the past
All those past
Nor the future
And all the sad things (correction: not bad)
It may bring.
All he cares is that you live well
And end up happy.
Yes, just like a fairy tale. (June 20, 2003)